I want you to imagine something for me. Imagine you’ve just won a fist fight. Clean victory. The other bloke is done. It’s over. You’re standing there, hands on hips, triumphant.
Now imagine your next move is to call your 6 biggest mates, put on body armour, grab a cricket bat, and sprint back to the pub where the fight happened. While screaming that you’ve already won and the other bloke gave you a present.
That’s American foreign policy right now. That’s what’s happening. In real time. With nuclear implications.
Donald Trump, a man who looks like a school bus melted into a suit, stood in the Oval Office on Tuesday and told the world the war in Iran “has been won.” He said the only people who want it to keep going are the fake news media. He said Iran sent him a present. A very big present. Very significant prize. Worth a tremendous amount of money. He wouldn’t say what it was. Just that it was “oil and gas related.”
There is a non zero chance that the present is a barrel of crude oil with a bow on it and this senile game show host is about to end a war over a prop.
But let’s assume for a moment that there is an actual diplomatic gesture behind the mystery gift. Let’s give him the most generous possible reading. Let’s say Iran cracked open the Strait of Hormuz just enough to let a few tankers through as a goodwill signal.
Cool. Explain the 82nd Airborne then.
Because while Trump was doing his little show and tell about the mystery present, the Pentagon was issuing deployment orders for the 82nd Airborne Division. 2,000 paratroopers. The division commander. The entire headquarters element. The unit the US military sends when it’s about to do something extremely violent to a piece of geography.
On top of the 5,000 Marines already steaming toward the Gulf in 2 amphibious assault groups. On top of the 50,000 troops already in theatre. On top of the $200 billion in additional funding the Pentagon has asked Congress to approve. On top of the 9,000 plus combat strikes already conducted. On top of the 13 dead Americans. On top of the 1,500 dead Iranians.
The war is won, everyone. Now shut up and fund the next $200 billion.
You know what I love? I love that Lindsey Graham went on Fox News and compared a potential Marine assault on Kharg Island to Iwo Jima. He said it with a straight face. With enthusiasm. “We did Iwo Jima. We can do this. My money is always on the Marines.”
